Sunday, February 12, 2012

Study Break

I can't get my mind off of love lately - for obvious reasons I suppose.  I never realized how intense moving toward marriage would be.  I've been in love with Christopher for a long time.  I thought he was the cutest thing in high school and when he came to Southern, I realized I had never met someone so interesting.  I never dreamed I would be with a man so absolutely perfect for me.  He always intimidated me, but I couldn't help but think that I would love to marry someone like him.  So a semester passed, and we did this thing and we grew in love and after what seemed like an eternity, we decided to wed.  You know, I loved Christopher while we were dating.  I have truly felt so strongly for him since, well, before day one.  I knew that I could love him more everyday.  But I had no idea engagement would be so intense.  I don't know if it's that I've never been close enough to an engaged couple, or if Christopher and I are just different from many people, but I was clueless.  I never heard someone talk about it the way that I feel.  You run across married couples every so often that are so in love it makes you just giggle.  It's similar to that feeling when the Holy Spirit wells up inside of you - love is what it is.  Well that's what I've always wanted, and I suppose what everyone wants.  I don't always see it though - and especially not in the home I grew up in.  Christopher is like the sunshine.  He's like the perfect temperature all the time.  He's like a field of sunflowers in my belly.  Christopher pulls on my heart day in and day out.  Our engagement has been crazy.  I'm really not sure if I can even explain it - and maybe that's why I never knew it would be this way, because no one else knew how to explain it either.  Let me just say this -- I was in the upstairs of The Depot yesterday morning, and an old man was sitting at a table for two.  An old woman walks up to him and he gets up with a huge smile and meets her with a kiss.  She sits down across from him and he hands her a full white rose.  She smiles so big, smells it, then they stare at each other in admiration.  They then begin to eat, laugh, and be as pleasant as pleasant can be.  That's how I feel about Christopher.  My heart aches when he's not around.  It cries when he's not next to me every morning and night.  It yearns for him always - even when he's there.  My love for Christopher is so strong and so increasingly beautiful.  I can't imagine how more it will grow when we are finally married.
So, does everyone feel this way when they're engaged?  Does everyone feel this way when they're married?  I feel like I struck heaven when I was climbing my ladder.  I hear other engaged people talk about how they wish the other did this or liked that - Is that just the world?  Because I'm on cloud 9 every time I'm with that beautiful man.

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