Lorrin and I are reading a book right now that is highly impacting our lives. It's about childhood trauma and its effect on your health as an adult. I don't want to talk about the book too much just yet, but I do want to share some dreams I've had the past couple of nights. I've had prophetic dreams for a long time - they come and go from season to season. This book has birthed these dreams in me and here they are:
My sister and I had a baby together - not in a weird way obviously. It was tiny and undernourished. It was born early. My sister had it most of the time so I kept forgetting about it. She seemed to have more responsibility of it. I kept forgetting to feed it, but when I would remember, it was really important to me. I kept talking about needing to breastfeed it but wouldn't ever get around to doing it. I would tell my mom I needed to feed it. It was a stressful type dream. We were then in a grocery store and the baby was a little older and kept running around and being super annoying and disruptive. Lorrin said she had tried everything to stop it but couldn't. I ran to it and grabbed it in my arms real tight so it couldn't move and I looked it in the eyes and said "Why are you behaving this way? This is not the way to act. Etc." I was firm with it but sweet at the same time. I spoke to it as if it was an older child. I spoke to it like it was very mature. And it responded immediately. It calmed down and behaved.
It is rare that I have interpretations for my dreams. Sometimes I wake up and know they're prophetic, sometimes I just think it was a weird dream. Fortunately for me, my husband typically has an interpretation for them. It's a beautiful marriage between us.
He said that maybe it was something new that was birthed in Lorrin and me. By reading this book, something has surfaced that we're not sure how to take care of. We don't know how to nurture it so it grows and matures. We tend to forget about it in hopes to not have to deal with it - but it's there and it's real. We know it needs nurture but we still haven't figured out how to be its mother. I have dealt with the trauma of my past quite a bit over the years. I have come an extremely long way, but still have more to go. My sister has suppressed it for longer, therefore she has more responsibility to learn how to heal - to learn how to take care of herself and make her future what it should have been all along.
I had a dream the next night that a rat had been inside the wall beside my side of the bed. It had completely ruined the sheetrock by my window and even chewed through some of my blinds and broke some. We just hung them two days ago so they are brand new. The rat had made the wall so ugly. It looked like a disease or something. Christopher said in the dream that it had obviously been making a nest with pine straw and the pine straw is what made all the bumps and bubbles in the wall. It was so appalling to me. It covered the whole left side of the window. Then I said that it must be the same thing that happened near the light switch on the other side of the room. My mom was there and I was talking about how we need to fumigate to get the rat out so it wouldn't do any more damage. My mom kept saying that we didn't need to do that because it costs too much money.
We just bought our house about a month and half ago. It's our first home so it's special to me. Christopher had an interpretation for this dream as well. He said it represented me. I've recently entered this idea of a new life for myself because of this book I'm reading. My life is important to me but there is something that is eating me from the inside and it's ugly and I want it gone. I've worked really hard to be rid of it completely but I have a little more to go. I am held back by the fear that has been instilled in me of what could be. Even though I know only good can come of it being gone, I still hold on to it. The fear of it "costing too much money" to get rid of drives me to let it stay and manifest and build its home inside of my walls. I have to get rid of it. I have to shut out the voices and listen to my own heart and be obedient.
I desperately want to let go of my past. I'm so thankful for all the resources we have at our fingertips these days.