j u s t i c e

I have learned so much about myself over the years.

One aspect that has been pushed in my face time and again over the past two years is my desire for justice. I am stunned by how strong it can be. I do feel that I'm finally gaining some ground on handling it in a healthy way. The most clarity has come from learning about the enneagram and my type within it.

I was reading the Sermon on the Mount and noticed a verse that I have always skipped over. It says he "sends rain on the just and on the unjust". It hit me like a bag of bricks. He treats them equally. "He makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust."

I have a hard relationship with my sister. And I realize by learning about the enneagram, that she is the reason I am the type that I am. I read about the childhood trauma that pushed me to the type that I am, and I realize it was done by her. And of course that's not to say it is her fault or she was wrong, it's to say that it simply is what it is.

I am a type one. This means that I value right and wrong to a degree that is hard to swallow. This means that my biggest struggle in life is anger for unjust actions/situations/encounters.

My sister is the biggest source of anger in me because of justice. Two years ago, she moved in with us and we lived together about 8 months; hence the start of learning about my desire for justice. It's something I've always struggled through, severely; but it was never so clearly brought to my attention until now. And I'm thankful.

She pushes buttons in me that I am unaware exist. But because of the enneagram, I am in the baby stages of understanding why she pushes those buttons and why I react the way I do. And I believe there is freedom, for the first time in my life.

Because of this passage in the Bible, and others in the Sermon on the Mount prior to this one, I am seeing that my job is to accept and love people, not force justice in unjust situations. Even Christ chose the Father over justice, in the midst of the most unjust situation that's ever occurred.

Christ's experience on Earth and specifically the cross was the most unjust situation in existence. And how does he handle it? He dies. He sacrifices himself for the unjust in the world. He chooses the Father and love over justice and law.

And he calls me to be just like him - to be perfect as he is perfect.

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